The Biggest Lie about Resilience

Growing up, my mother had the poem "

" framed and mounted in our home. I knew her life had not been easy, especially as an immigrant from Jamaica. Still, I wondered why she would display a poem that seemed to highlight how difficult life could be.

Over time the gravity of this poem revealed itself:

• My family struggled financially throughout my childhood – don’t quit.

• Teachers and fellow students told me that I was not smart enough to be admitted into Georgetown University – don’t quit.

• Three months after giving birth, I was living in a new state and was let go from my job – don’t quit.

Spoiler Alert: My family has financially stabilized. I was admitted to and graduated from Georgetown. And, at seven months postpartum, I found a wonderful job where I continued my career.

But what happens between life’s challenges and the “happy ending?” There is a journey that is often described as involving resilience, recovery, and restoration. If you look up those definitions, you will find verbiage laced with the underlying assumption that going back to the previous state is better than the current or potential future state: 

• Resilience: “return to its original form, position, etc.”

• Recovery: “restoration or return to any former and better state or condition”

• Restoration: “a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition”

The biggest lie about resilience is that we should be striving to regain a former state of being that is perceived as better. However, major life changes, industry disruptions, and global crises leave an indelible mark on individuals, companies, and society. Often, returning to a “former and better state” is not possible. You do not need to look any further than the current state of the world to exemplify this. Routines that characterized pre-pandemic life are gone for the foreseeable future and a “post-racial era” never actually existed. Many people are frustrated, hopeless, and broken. The stability of businesses and the global economy have been thrust into great uncertainty. So, when people say that we need to be resilient right now, what do they really mean?

I encourage you to seek out and challenge the times where those around you are implying that we should return to the way things were before. Embrace your “impairments” and an inclusive, progressive version of resilience. We are not computers; we cannot simply reboot and look for the recovered files of our lives that were saved when our system unexpectedly shut down. Our scars and lessons learned should yield a new, improved state of being as opposed to restoring a previous version that we fear losing.

This applies to organizations as well. Business transformation is in overdrive right now. Customer and employees’ needs have completely shifted. Companies must be willing to adapt their value proposition, operating model, and investments to address the long-lasting impacts of this next phase of digital revolution. 

2020 and 2021 were undoubtedly difficult for individuals and companies alike – the disruptive changes we experienced were abruptly forced on all of us. But if you listen closely, you will also hear a lot of people discussing how they are grateful for more time with their families, reconnecting with friends, and increased flexibility with work schedules. Life is challenging, but not entirely terrible. 

As you navigate the changes of today’s world and attempt to provide support to others, you may find it helpful to ask some of the following questions:

1. What are you trying to restore from the past that may be holding you and/or your organization back?

2. Why are you holding on to status quo or the way things used to be?

3. Are you focused on managing perceptions or addressing reality?

4. How are you measuring progress?

5. Are you prioritizing incremental progress or having all the answers figured out?

6. Are your desired timelines based on realistic milestones to monitor progress or are they driving towards unrealistic deadlines?

7. Who should be setting the standard or expectations that you are trying to meet?

The most important truth about resilience is that when you let go of the way that things have always been or what you perceive that they should be, you create room for improvement. Sometimes we need to be forced out of our comfort zone to show us that a new, unforeseen normal is possible and likely better than what we had planned.